When your wife is chronically ill it can be hard for her to think romance. Know that her lack of interest likely has nothing to do with you but rather is the result of being one of the 133 million people who deal with an illness. Sadly, a staggering 75% percent of marriages end in divorce when an illness is present.

With a few simple ideas, you can keep your marriage healthy in the face of challenges as immense as chronic illness. If you choose to see the illness as a potential blessing as much as a curse, then the hardship may actually end up bringing both of you closer together and making your marriage stronger.  

1. Chocolate. As an aphrodisiac, chocolate contains a chemical called phenyl ethylamine that actually enhances feelings of love and happiness.  
2. Be affectionate by simply reaching for her hand.  You may be hoping for more than holding hands but if she’s in physical pain it’s important that you respect her boundaries. Rub her back gently.  Kiss her lightly. Cuddle and snuggle with her in bed.   If she feels up to it, give her a massage to perhaps alleviate some of her pain and manage some of her symptoms.
3. Pour your heart out to her about how much you admire the strength she shows in the darkest moments. This is the true meaning of unconditional love.  
4. Pamper her by giving her something that she wouldn’t splurge on for herself.  Let her know that you are listening to her by paying attention to things she mentions – CD’s that she might mention, books she’s been wanting to read, etc.  Buy her a down comforter for a cozier bed. Brainstorm about item that she would enjoy while she isn’t feeling well.
5. Schedule a retreat for her at home. Give her a special night or weekend where the weight of the world can dissipate for a while.  
6. Write little notes that she can find any time.
7. Don’t forget to make a few changes in the bedroom to spark some romance. Candles, roses, and a great playlist on your iPod tells her that you cared enough to set the mood for her.  
8. Ask her if she might like to go to a few couples therapy sessions with you. Chronic illness can be a major stress on relationships and letting her know that you want to discuss these stresses in a safe space with someone who is there to listen to you and help you both to navigate through the difficulties will show her that she can trust you during even the hardest times.  
9. Throw her a party.  If you think she’s up to it, invite a few close friends over to celebrate her on a day other than her birthday.  Ask the people you invite to each write your wife a letter letting her know how much they all love her.